Spoilers: Set during season six after spuffy stuff
Rating: sillyfic, little bit of inuedo, buts whats a spike fic without it!
Disclaimer: Spike, Buffy, Emily and the others don't belong to me. The only thing that is mine is loads of free time and an over-active imagination!
Dedicated to: Emily. The revenge was worse than the offending article!(grin)
Kudos: To the hwoodvamps team for airing this sillyness
Feedback: If you like, hate, don't give a bloody damn then e-mail me mandy_thomson@excite.com or sign the guestmap, please, please, please! ~Mandy
Buffy started laughing. She had come over to visit him. They had become friends, by mutual decision, about 3 months after their relationship had fizzled out. They were too close now to be lovers or enemies. They were two half of the same person.
"You have a perfectly comfortable bed upstairs. Why do you insist on sleeping on the table?"
"I'm not sleeping on the table" Spike mumbled from on the floor.
"No, you are face down on the floor. By the way. So funny." Buffy giggled again.
"You would bloody think so luv" He rolled over. Now facing the ceiling. He put on his sexy smile and wiggled his eyebrows. "While I'm down here…"
"How many times Spike? You know that is so over. Also Emily would kick your undead … what is it you call it… bum? Clean across the state" Buffy lay down beside him. Staring at the roof like it was the sky on a warm spring day.
"I wouldn't tell if you don't. Old times sake and all that pet?" He slid closer, sitting up cocking his head to one side grinning.
"No one is as old times as you Spike. But still, a big no"
"Are you turning down my little Blondie bear Buffy?" A voice came in over the table.
"Always pet. She won't take me off your hands" Spike stood and helped Buffy off the floor. He slinked over to Emily and curled himself round her like a snake. Kissing her neck
"Sook" Emily teased.
"If you insist" Spike made to bite her neck and kissed it again instead.
"You want to be alone?" Buffy asked. Making to leave the room.
"Always." Emily said "But this one keeps getting invited in. You know what its like with these blood suckers, invite one in and they never go away" Emily disentangled herself from Spike, reluctantly of course.
"I'll make the tea shall I? Make myself useful. Unless you can think of another use for me pet?" He stared at her until she smiled.
"I can think of a use" Buffy said.
"Biscuits? Yes I know. Ginger nuts? A nob?" Spike asked suggestively.
"Nothing I like better then to snap a nob in two and dunk it in hot scolding tea, Spike" Buffy punched the words out.
"Oh, you always like it rough." Spike went to the kettle and filled it. Buffy took Emily's arm and led her into the living room.
"How are you Buffy?" Emily asked.
Buffy sighed. "I have got my week planned. Shift at the double meat Wednesday Thursday...Demon from the year of sacks on no shoes Friday... and fundraising for Dawn's school trip." They sat on the sofa. Waiting for the tea.
"So you want Spike to make coconut slices?" Emily asked.
"Actually yes. For a annoying blonde non eating type, he sure does cook well" Buffy admitted. "Could use a hand with the demon thing but no hurry Willow is on it."
Spike took the tea tray in. Set it down on the table. He sat at Emily's feet and wrapped his arm round her leg.
"You will have to help yourself to tea, I seem to be trapped"
Buffy poured three cups from the teapot. Added milk to two and then passed a cup to Emily. "Buffy has a busy week planned. You want to help out Spike?" Emily asked.
"Oh goodie. What's first beating, whipping, boiling in oil?" Spike looked hopeful and excited. The girls sighed heavily.
"Beating yes. I don't think I could face more of your British fish and chips." Buffy had enough of fast food. Let alone fast food from other countries.
Spike looked at Emily. Purred "And the whipping?"
Emily ruffled his blonde covered head. "Later."
"I'll hold you to that luv."
Suddenly the window smashed and sunlight streamed in. Buffy stood up and took on a ready for battle stance. Spike leapt at the back of the sofa. Tipping it over. Taking Emily and a smoking Spike into a shaded space.
"Have you never heard of doors?" Buffy addressed.
"Insured Buffy. Get the bugger" Spike yelled from behind the chair.
"I'll get the bugger." Emily yelled. "Mum got me those curtains. Let me at him! Spike. Let me go!"
"You are going to die first, little blonde one." The dark green reptilian demon grumbled
. "You are going to have to be a bit more specific there mate" Spike popped his bleached bonce out from behind the shelter. Emily dragged him down before he started to smoke again.
The demon looked confused. "You will all die!"
"Do you guys all read from the same book?" Buffy asked. "I'm gonna kill you, You will all die" Buffy counted on her fingers "Shiver puny mortal, am I forgetting anything?"
The reptile screamed with frustration. Ran at Buffy who kicked him over the sofa. Spike threw Emily roughly over to the other side of the room. She landed on her backside with a thud. Spike punched the demon hard and kicked him back to Buffy before ducking down into the shadows again. The demon got a second wind. Threw itself at her.
Buffy grabbed the tray from under the tea things. Without breaking anything. Using the heavily polished silver tray, she decapitated it. It fell in two pieces to the floor.
"That's what those things are for." Buffy examined the tray. "Have to get me one of these"
"Emily!" Spike scooted across the floor. Wincing when the got caught in the sunrays coming in through the shattered window. He reached her and tenderly sat her upright. Emily slapped him hard. He vamped out for a second and she grabbed him by his collar.
"Bloody hell" Emily exclaimed.
"Yeah" Spike closed in for a long lingering kiss. Buffy looked to the side, giving them a moment of privacy."You ok?" She asked.
"Better than fine pet" Spike answered. Still cosying up.
"Not you." Buffy sighed. "No one cares how you are"
Emily grinned. "I'll be fine. Bruised my pride."
"And your arse" Spike added.
"Oi! Thanks to you!" Emily punched him playfully.
"Your welcome. Want me to kiss it better" He curled himself round her and stared at her backside.
"Later" Emily kissed him and got up off the floor.
"Later, later. Always later" he grumbled.
"You are not getting any older. Quit complaining. Any way. Company!" Buffy said pointing to herself.
"Always up for a bit. Of company" Spike gave his trademark sexy look. Emily gave him a stern look. He held his hands up. Gaving an only joking look.
"You wanted something slayer? Before we were interrupted." Spike asked looking at the remains of the demon.
"Dawn's school. Fundraising thing" Buffy looked at Spike.
"Coconut slices or fairy cakes?" Spike asked.
Emily grinned. Spike's fairy cakes were to die for.
"Both?" Buffy risked.
"For the little Niblet? Both" He nodded. "I can't get started till Friday. Bit of DIY here. Couple o dozen do?"
"Great." Buffy said greatfully.
"You can help on Friday then." Emily stated.
Buffy thought quickly. "Can't. Demon"
Spike agreed to the non asked question of whether he wanted help.
"Don't think you're getting my man to do your cooking." Emily giggled
Buffy gave an aww, but have to kill demon look. Emily pointed to the demon.
Buffy sighed. "I'll bring the coconut".
They went into the kitchen, leaving the bare footed demon parts in the living room.
~~~ The End ~~~